The Last Passover Post, I Swear (I think)
Are you sick of Passover posts yet? Well TOO BAD! You can't possibly be as sick of them as I am of the holiday itself. Thank goodness it's over. My first post-Passover meal: a hamburger and fries, plus wheat beer. I feel like wheat beer is an especially good choice, sort of like a two-for-one type thing. I was so full after this meal that I couldn't eat the waffle I'd bought earlier for dessert.
Can I tell you what happens when, in a fit of rage, a person leaves a matzoh ball alone for five hours in a pot from which all the soup has been removed? You get a congealed, dense mass of yellowed grossness, which elicits a "yuck" from Javert. (Unfortunately this is not actually saying much; while Javert is not as picky as, say, Phil, he does think certain things are disgusting, like canned cat food, which I say is just food and probably not even as gross as some canned meats meant for humans.) Anyway, the point is that you get something that even I consider disgusting and let's just be happy I didn't photograph it for you all.
My abandonment of the matzoh ball was my only breakdown during Passover. I don't really know how I managed not to go crazy...Probably it has more to do with not having to go to work for all but 2 days of the holiday than with the food itself. And with the incessant bags of chips and the Turkey Hill Choco Mint Chip ice cream which in my opinion is the best in the world (not ice cream in general, but mint chip specifically). You can't find this ice cream in New York, unfortunately, at least not this flavor. I bought mine at the Shop Rite in Bloomfield, New Jersey, on Saturday night.
Let me tell you something about the Shop Rite in Bloomfield, New Jersey (or maybe it was Clifton?). Its huge. It sells 6 different types of Krazy Glue. There is an entire section devoted to socks. The extremely muscular shopper in front of me in line was purchasing 6 or 8 quart-sized Prego spaghetti sauce containers, the kind that are so big that they come with a handle, and equally large quantities of eggs. He wore a "Department of Homeland Security" tee shirt and he scared me. You know how if you see a cop you suddenly start to act more legally, even if you weren't doing anything illegal before? Rather, I guess you become more aware of the legality of your actions. I certainly did and immediately stopped speaking to Javert lest I say anything vaguely incriminating or offensive to government and get carted away by this dude (who is probably going to come after me due to this post).
The grocery bagger must have noticed the dude as well and asked if he really worked for the DHS. The dude said "Yes" in this deep voice and the bagger looked frightened and said something about "just asking." Then, when it was my turn to check out, the bagger made an unnecessary comment about Jews and Bar Mitzvahs when he saw we were buying Egg Matzoh (my first and last experience with Aviv egg matzoh...blech). His comment, which was a story about his brother or cousin and how he always mispronounces Mazel Tov at Bar Mitzvahs, totally embarrassed the cashier, who told the bagger he hated working with him. I wasn't sure how to interpret it...was the bagger trying to tell Javert and me that he was Jewish and understood why we were buying matzoh? Was he just making a joke? How was I supposed to respond? ("Silly Hebrew, I can't pronounce that either" or "Christian baby's blood sure tastes good"??) Why did this even bother me? Thankfully just as this happened the loudspeaker announced that the store was closing (at 10 pm!) and Javert and I avoided the Jewish issue by making a comment about how glad we were that we lived in New York where stores stay open later. Good thing the suburbs suck so much, they totally saved the day!
Back in the parking lot and invigorated by my successful avoidance of confronting the bagger, I saw the Homeland Security dude loading his giant canisters of spaghetti sauce into his giant SUV. I became momentarily obsessed and wanted to stop and talk to him about his job and ask why he lives in New Jersey and did he hear the Jew comment and why was he buying so much sauce and so many eggs (Easter?) but I'm shy and feared arrest, so I kept quiet and consoled myself by eating ice cream when I got home.
Can I tell you what happens when, in a fit of rage, a person leaves a matzoh ball alone for five hours in a pot from which all the soup has been removed? You get a congealed, dense mass of yellowed grossness, which elicits a "yuck" from Javert. (Unfortunately this is not actually saying much; while Javert is not as picky as, say, Phil, he does think certain things are disgusting, like canned cat food, which I say is just food and probably not even as gross as some canned meats meant for humans.) Anyway, the point is that you get something that even I consider disgusting and let's just be happy I didn't photograph it for you all.
My abandonment of the matzoh ball was my only breakdown during Passover. I don't really know how I managed not to go crazy...Probably it has more to do with not having to go to work for all but 2 days of the holiday than with the food itself. And with the incessant bags of chips and the Turkey Hill Choco Mint Chip ice cream which in my opinion is the best in the world (not ice cream in general, but mint chip specifically). You can't find this ice cream in New York, unfortunately, at least not this flavor. I bought mine at the Shop Rite in Bloomfield, New Jersey, on Saturday night.
Let me tell you something about the Shop Rite in Bloomfield, New Jersey (or maybe it was Clifton?). Its huge. It sells 6 different types of Krazy Glue. There is an entire section devoted to socks. The extremely muscular shopper in front of me in line was purchasing 6 or 8 quart-sized Prego spaghetti sauce containers, the kind that are so big that they come with a handle, and equally large quantities of eggs. He wore a "Department of Homeland Security" tee shirt and he scared me. You know how if you see a cop you suddenly start to act more legally, even if you weren't doing anything illegal before? Rather, I guess you become more aware of the legality of your actions. I certainly did and immediately stopped speaking to Javert lest I say anything vaguely incriminating or offensive to government and get carted away by this dude (who is probably going to come after me due to this post).
The grocery bagger must have noticed the dude as well and asked if he really worked for the DHS. The dude said "Yes" in this deep voice and the bagger looked frightened and said something about "just asking." Then, when it was my turn to check out, the bagger made an unnecessary comment about Jews and Bar Mitzvahs when he saw we were buying Egg Matzoh (my first and last experience with Aviv egg matzoh...blech). His comment, which was a story about his brother or cousin and how he always mispronounces Mazel Tov at Bar Mitzvahs, totally embarrassed the cashier, who told the bagger he hated working with him. I wasn't sure how to interpret it...was the bagger trying to tell Javert and me that he was Jewish and understood why we were buying matzoh? Was he just making a joke? How was I supposed to respond? ("Silly Hebrew, I can't pronounce that either" or "Christian baby's blood sure tastes good"??) Why did this even bother me? Thankfully just as this happened the loudspeaker announced that the store was closing (at 10 pm!) and Javert and I avoided the Jewish issue by making a comment about how glad we were that we lived in New York where stores stay open later. Good thing the suburbs suck so much, they totally saved the day!
Back in the parking lot and invigorated by my successful avoidance of confronting the bagger, I saw the Homeland Security dude loading his giant canisters of spaghetti sauce into his giant SUV. I became momentarily obsessed and wanted to stop and talk to him about his job and ask why he lives in New Jersey and did he hear the Jew comment and why was he buying so much sauce and so many eggs (Easter?) but I'm shy and feared arrest, so I kept quiet and consoled myself by eating ice cream when I got home.
posted by Emil at 3:43 PM
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