Its Like Having a Snake in Your Mouth
Just now, my friend and co-worker Phil was at his desk and made a funny noise, so I turned around and asked what was wrong. Apparently, he was trying to peel a banana and the top wasn't coming off right. Afraid that if he continued trying to open it that way, it would get all mushy, Phil used his mouth to pry the top off, and the banana's outside skin tasted disgusting and felt rather reptilian, causing him to make that noise. Here I must point out that Phil has very strict standards as to the fruit he'll eat, which is why he was trying at all costs to avoid causing mushiness. In order for him to eat it, Phil's piece of fruit must have no blemishes and must be firm, which in my opinion causes him to reject many perfectly edible delectables.
I told him I'd never put my mouth on the outside of a banana since you didn't know where it had been. I mean, we're talking about bananas here. They come from halfway across the world, god knows who has touched them and done god knows what else with them. They're BANANAS. The same goes for zucchinis and cucumbers and any other vegetable or fruit with that shape. Phil said he was more concerned that they'd be poisoned by pesticides, but since his was organic that didn't matter. And furthermore, he added, his particular banana had come attached to a bunch of 3 or 4 other bananas. That made me feel slightly better about the situation and I'm no longer worried that Phil might have contracted mouth herpes from his banana.
Still, I find it strange that anyone--especially someone with such particular requirements for the fruit he eats--would be willing to put his mouth on the outside parts of said fruit, especially a fruit that is not customarily washed. Has anyone else ever thought about this? I hope you people aren't sitting at home reading this while chomping on unwashed banana peels or unscrubbed cucumber skins.
Blech!
And yes, clearly I have a 12 year-old's sense of humor. And the fears of a crazy person.
I told him I'd never put my mouth on the outside of a banana since you didn't know where it had been. I mean, we're talking about bananas here. They come from halfway across the world, god knows who has touched them and done god knows what else with them. They're BANANAS. The same goes for zucchinis and cucumbers and any other vegetable or fruit with that shape. Phil said he was more concerned that they'd be poisoned by pesticides, but since his was organic that didn't matter. And furthermore, he added, his particular banana had come attached to a bunch of 3 or 4 other bananas. That made me feel slightly better about the situation and I'm no longer worried that Phil might have contracted mouth herpes from his banana.
Still, I find it strange that anyone--especially someone with such particular requirements for the fruit he eats--would be willing to put his mouth on the outside parts of said fruit, especially a fruit that is not customarily washed. Has anyone else ever thought about this? I hope you people aren't sitting at home reading this while chomping on unwashed banana peels or unscrubbed cucumber skins.
Blech!
And yes, clearly I have a 12 year-old's sense of humor. And the fears of a crazy person.
posted by Emil at 3:27 PM
4 Comments:
I feel it's necessary here to point out that in our original conversation, Emil's suggestion that you might be buying produce previously used as a marital aid was much more pronounced.
I admit, however, that I am very finicky when it comes to fruit and vegetables, phallic or not. I just draw the line between "ripe" and "rotten" at a much earlier point than most people.
I don't even think I'm qualified to comment on this discussion because I never wash fruit before eating it, and only wash vegetables with visible dirt on them. That probably makes you all pretty concerned about the food I've served you. But we all know I'll put anything in my mouth.
I just have to say, also, that this post made me miss you guys SO much, and I just wish I could have been there to participate in that discussion. Thankfully, the ratfoot blog is here.
Well I was under the impression that it was just my irrational (and disgusting) fear but who knows, right?
This post was good and true. Phil can be a fruit freak.
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