Does this count as a Mitzvah?
Last night I visited a client in her home. This is something I usually don't do, but when I was talking to this client on the phone I noticed she lived in my old neighborhood and mentioned that fact to her. She immediately invited me over to meet her, and I decided to go. She thought I'd come at 2 or 3 pm, and was very surprised when I said the earliest I could come was at 6. But she seemed excited and said she'd make us something to eat.
When I got to her apartment, she brought me into the dining room where she had prepared dinner for us. She said "When you said you work till 5, I thought oh, I can't serve her tea, we have to have dinner since it's so late. I can't serve tea at 6 o'clock!" I had not planned on having dinner with her. I thought I'd be fed some cookies and maybe a piece of coffee cake, and actually had brought her flowers instead of candy because I figured there'd already be enough of that.
And what was for dinner? Tuna salad. And did I eat it????
YES I DID!
I ate the whole helping she put on my plate, and I ate all the mayonnaise-coated normal salad, and a roll, and I drank two cups of tea and ate two cookies for dessert.
How was I supposed to refuse to eat this food that an elderly, recently widowed woman had made especially for me? I felt so uncomfortable needing to please her, yet so happy that I was able to keep her company and listen to her stories. She's so nice, and she's had an amazing life, but age and experience have taken their toll and unfortunately she seems rather paranoid and depressed. She really didn't want me to leave--she asked if I wanted to spend the night--and I felt very sad that I was going home to Javert while she was going to be all alone.
At the end, she mentioned that she had no one to go with her to a memorial service at a synagogue here in April. Of course I told her I'd be happy to take her. She seemed happy to hear this. Then, right before I left, she said to me "Do you know anyone who would come to a wedding with me?" I knew she was asking me to go with her, and I also knew that I couldn't (I'll be out of town). So I pretended that I didn't understand what she meant and said that I didn't know anyone.
Did I do the right thing by visiting her? By eating food I don't like and didn't want? By listening without protest to complaints or opinions that seemed unreasonable or possibly even prejudiced? By ignoring the meaning behind her wedding question? Is this just my general social ineptness combined with anxiety or was I wrong?
When I got to her apartment, she brought me into the dining room where she had prepared dinner for us. She said "When you said you work till 5, I thought oh, I can't serve her tea, we have to have dinner since it's so late. I can't serve tea at 6 o'clock!" I had not planned on having dinner with her. I thought I'd be fed some cookies and maybe a piece of coffee cake, and actually had brought her flowers instead of candy because I figured there'd already be enough of that.
And what was for dinner? Tuna salad. And did I eat it????
YES I DID!
I ate the whole helping she put on my plate, and I ate all the mayonnaise-coated normal salad, and a roll, and I drank two cups of tea and ate two cookies for dessert.
How was I supposed to refuse to eat this food that an elderly, recently widowed woman had made especially for me? I felt so uncomfortable needing to please her, yet so happy that I was able to keep her company and listen to her stories. She's so nice, and she's had an amazing life, but age and experience have taken their toll and unfortunately she seems rather paranoid and depressed. She really didn't want me to leave--she asked if I wanted to spend the night--and I felt very sad that I was going home to Javert while she was going to be all alone.
At the end, she mentioned that she had no one to go with her to a memorial service at a synagogue here in April. Of course I told her I'd be happy to take her. She seemed happy to hear this. Then, right before I left, she said to me "Do you know anyone who would come to a wedding with me?" I knew she was asking me to go with her, and I also knew that I couldn't (I'll be out of town). So I pretended that I didn't understand what she meant and said that I didn't know anyone.
Did I do the right thing by visiting her? By eating food I don't like and didn't want? By listening without protest to complaints or opinions that seemed unreasonable or possibly even prejudiced? By ignoring the meaning behind her wedding question? Is this just my general social ineptness combined with anxiety or was I wrong?
posted by Emil at 3:37 PM
2 Comments:
I know I told you this yesterday, but you definitely did the right thing. I think more than anything she wanted some company...
You should find a Stern girl to adopt her as their bubbe. No joke, the adopt-a-bubbe program was in full force when I was there. Check it out.
I agree with Steph. I think that you did the right thing by visiting, and also the right thing by not overextending yourself in terms of your commitment to this person.
Doing one good need doesn't mean you're required to do a whole bunch of follow-ups. But not doing the follow-ups doesn't make the original deed less good.
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